After years of silence, JK Rowling finally speaks the truth about Ronbledore.
“I have said this before and I will say it again: I will never be intimidated into silence about Ronbledore. Wake up, sheeple. The evidence is already all there in the books. Did Cedric Diggory know too much about Ronbledore? Why is “Cho Chang” an anagram for “Weasley Time Prison”? Why does Parvati Patil keep referring to Ron as “Headmaster Time-Child” during the Yule Ball before she dissolves into a disembodied ball of gas? We’re through the looking glass, here.”
“But Ron Weasley is attracted to women,” I hear you say, “while Dumbledore is gay. How can you square that circle?” For the last time: time travel reverses your sexual orientation. This is why there are so many pure bisexuals on Torchwood. And I hear your follow-up question, you mewling hordes who demand to be spoon-fed the truth: “What about Hermione? She used the Time-Turner to take extra classes; did that turn her gay, too?” Yes. Hermione was super-mega gay every afternoon for exactly two hours, but she was too busy taking notes to ever do anything about it. Hermione has a very strict schedule. She plans on becoming a late-in-life lesbian at the age of exactly 53, and not a minute sooner.”